The Hangover

Imagine if you will, you've fallen in love with a young maiden named Caroline.  She was sweet, beautiful, and brought joy and passion into your life for one night.
Now imagine you wake up in your own puke on your bedroom floor.  Caroline robbed you of give or take $40, beat the living shit out of you, and probably gave you a concussion.  She partially undressed you and put your cat in the sink.  She hid your phone in a different room of the house.
Caroline was gone, but she left you with a horrible STD.

Now replace 'Caroline' with 'vodka' and 'STD' with hangover.

Probably the biggest downside to drinking (besides financial difficulties) is the lingering effect the morning after.  If you're like me, you don't generally get too hungover.  I can function enough to go about my day (with minimal complaining).  I might throw up once or twice but generally speaking, my hangovers aren't too bad.

That is, unless I black out.

Those of you unfamiliar with blacking out... it's like being a little kid, when you'd fall asleep on the couch and your dad would carry you to bed.  You'd wake up with no fucking idea how you got there.  Same idea, only more embarrassing.

My favourite...
Summer 2011 - waking up at a friend's house (the house I pre-drank at, within walking distance of the destination.  I wasn't too alarmed or surprised, just relieve to make it home in one piece).  It wasn't until much later that I learned the truth of what happened to blackout Dallas.  My friend Taylor filled me in...
On her walk home the previous night, her and her friends took the shortcut in Bridgewater from the suburb-y area down behind the Dairy Queen.  On their walk down, they stopped, abruptly.  They saw a body.  At this point in the story, I interjected to ask if it was a dead body.  She responded with "I thought so... but then we got closer... and realized... it was you."
YEP, I was found behind the Dairy Queen, unconscious. After trying to run from the people who were only trying to help me, they through me in a cab and sent me on my way.

Although I don't get too hungover... you should meet my friend - we'll just call her "that DRUNK girl!"  Following a night on the town, she'll awake, smelling of tequila, Dolan's, and cigarettes.  Clutching her Brita, she forms a cocoon out of blankets and remains inside, only emerging as a butterfly after a minimum of 24 hours of rest.

How to avoid the hangover?  Don't drink in the first place!  But if the thought of a sober Friday is too daunting for you, alternate with water and you'll wake up feeling like 1,000,000 bucks!

Now, if I only I could take my own advice...

SO!  To recap: ... don't fuck Caroline, she'll leave you with an STD.  The grass behind Bridgewater's Dairy Queen is NOT a comfortable place to sleep, and a Brita/blanket cocoon can fix anything.

Cheerzzzz
@powertequila

five MORE things that piss me off

1. LITTLE KIDS WHO ONLY WANT KETCHUP ON THEIR BURGERS.

This is probably the least rational thing to be mad at, but I tell you, nothing irks me more than when a little kid is ordering food and asks (or, because they're stupid kids, get their mom to ask) "just ketchup on the burger."  

Stop being picky and eat your fucking onions.

The weirdest part about this one is that it doesn't bother me if any other age group at all does it.  Say I'm with one of my friends who is 20 years old.  They order a burger and ask for just ketchup. I'm 100% okay with that.  You're 75 and you just want ketchup?  Sure!  But you're 6 and just want ketchup?  EJSFAKOEDwkfjaok

2. THE OLYMPICS.

I'm going to get hated on for this.  Which is another one of my pet peeves, getting hated on for hating on the Olympics.

I want to watch the Simpsons sometimes.  It's hilarious.  You know what's not hilarious?  Asian women diving.  Naturally, you can understand my frustrations when the Olympics takes over the time slot originally reserved for quality cartoon entertainment.

Aren't there already entire CHANNELS dedicated to sports?  Why not restrict the Olympics to there?  Big Brother doesn't come on and pre-empt fucking tennis over TSN.  So the Olympics shouldn't come do the same to Global.

3. PEOPLE WHO CALL KELLY CLARKSON FAT.

It bothers me that one of the most common comments on her YouTube videos is something related to her weight.

Kelly Clarkson isn't fat, internet troll.  You are fat.

4. MOVIES THAT TRY TO BE MORE REALISTIC BY USING SHITTY CAMERA WORK.

You know which ones I mean... Paranormal Activity, Cloverfield, Blair Witch Project, etc, in which one of the main characters carries around a camera/sets up hidden cameras/etc in order to make the movie feel more "real."

What the director of Paranormal Activity probably hoped I'd think:

"Man, this is so scary.  I bet this really happened, because this was all caught on hidden camera, no cameramen in sight."

What I actually thought:

"Who sets up several hidden cameras in their house overnight?  Furthermore, who carries around a camera all over the fucking place when it's obvious they're in grave danger.  I get that scary shit is happening in the middle of the night, but this is the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen."

This isn't saying that horror movies are generally realistic, but simply saying that this doesn't help make it any more scarier.  Instead, it just gives me two hours of headaches as a result of shaky camerawork.

5. MUSIC VIDEOS THAT DON'T IMMEDIATELY START WITH THE SONG
I just youtube'd the video for 'When You Were Young" by the Killers.  It wasn't until 1:27 that the song started playing.  WHO ACTUALLY ENJOYS MUSIC VIDEOS SO MUCH THAT THEY'D PREFER EIGHTY FUCKING SEVEN SECONDS OF SOME UGLY ASS BITCH CRYING ON A CROSS?  NO ONE.  I JUST WANTED TO HEAR THE SONG FOR SOME REASON.

6 lessons I've learned from living in an apartment for six months

HEY I had this blog once, but I got lazy, I'm back at it... judge me maybe.

HELLOOO followers/people who accidentally clicked on the link that I'm going to whore around social media!
I was going to start with some banter about how I haven't blogged in a long fucking time... then realized like 40% of my posts open with that soooo...

APARTMENT LIFE!  Original.

I moved out of residence and gained full independence (purchased by Roxanne Power's credit card) at the beginning of May with Billy, a flaming homosexual fish and chips enthusiast, and Natalie/Natasha, a raging alcoholic waitress.  We're also students... kind of.  I got a job selling fish to old people and things were going great!

I've learned a few things about living in an apartment for about 6 months.

1. Life is fucking scary without a dishwasher.
Those of you who have never had the beautiful luxury of a dishwasher will probably disagree and say it's not that.  Those of you who DID have a dishwasher growing up... IT FUCKING SUCKS.  If they're not clean  you have to LOOK AT THEM ALL THE TIME UNTIL SOMEONE WASHES THEM.  And in order for them to be clean... YOU HAVE TO WASH THEM!!!  With your HANDS that get SCALDED in HOT WATER.
When I think of a dishwasher I think of a thousand tiny Mexican women running around, frantically scrubbing away at our mess.

2. Why did I ever use a glass to drink anything?
I'm the only one in my apartment who likes skim milk (Natasha has her 1% for cereal and whatnot, Billy has 2%).  Why dirty a glass when I'm the ONLY ONE drinking it (if boyfriend reads this... I'm sorry, I drank out of the carton, you should probably not drink my milk.)  Same for juice.  Water?  I just stick my head under the tap!  This kind of ties into #1 - less dishes!  Except for once, I was at work and kind of forgot that I wasn't home and nearly drank out of the tap.  But I didn't!

3. Cats... they need food to live.
STOCK UP ON CAT FOOD.

4. There's more to life than partying.
hahahaha.   Just kidding.

5. Cooking isn't THAT hard.
I'm bad for eating half of my meals on campus/at the cellar/boston pizza/just not eating because i'm lazy.  Like... if someone hacked into my banking info (please don't, I don't even have that much money) I'd look like I was a food critic for the amount of $$$ I spend at restaurants.  The other day, boyfriend was making hamburger helper... so I bought hamburger helper so I could be domestic too.  Have I made said hamburger helper?  ... Not yet.  Whatever, I worked all day.  That's kind of responsible too.
Breakfast shakes help me out a lot too!  They're easy.  And they involve milk.

6. I just really REALLY want a dishwasher...
I know this was number 1... but fucking FUCK it's a big one.

Anyway... those are the only 6 (lol 5) lessons I've learned!  Stay tuned, I might actually update again! :O

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER XOXO GG @powertequila

OH YEAH!  KELLY CLARKSON'S GREATEST HITS COMES OUT TOMORROW :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D