Living the unemployed life

Today, I did little to contribute to society.

Not by choice, but by my sheer inability to get hired at anywhere in Bridgewater. 

Instead, I find my days filled with doing laps in the pool and going for runs, as a means of losing the freshman 15.  Which I did!  18 pounds down, ohfuckya.  But the other day, I ate three cupcakes so I did some dance aerobics alone in my room.   I think it helped.  

To supplement my problem drinking, I clean my own house weekly for money as well as do the occasional yardwork for my parents.  What's that you say?  I should be doing that for free since I live here for the time being?  I say fuck you.  I also did yardwork this week for a couple... exercise AND money AND a tan?!  HELL YA!

My dad recently had surgery which has left him temporarily housebound... I can't just sit in my room playing Pokemon anymore, I think he'd judge me.  Then again, his definition of "new clothes" is his lovely "2011 5km run/walk" shirt he wore in public today... ahem.

Being unemployed has had its perks.  It's given me time to attempt to become healthy... especially since I can no longer afford excessive McDonald's.  It's given me time to beat Pokemon Red version.  It's given me time to frolic through the forests of Midville Branch.  It's given me time to learn how to use a lawnmower.  It's given me time to bake delicious cupcakes.
When you think about it... I've actually learned WAY more by being unemployed than any job could possibly offer.

Unfortunately, learning new skills such as pokemon training and lawnmowing has very limited financial prospects.  I literally froze my debit card a few weeks ago so that I can salvage my savings and only spend the physical cash I encounter.

Dramatization of me achieving financial success through the magic of ice.

Anyway... if you're reading this and hiring in the Bridgewater area... please contact me for a resume :)  Also, if you're considering hiring me... please don't read any of my other posts.  Especially the one about church.
  

my addiction.

No, this isn't about drinking. 


In January, I walked into my friend Natalie's room and she was watching One Tree Hill.  At first I was like "oh fuck no, this is that show that EVERYONE was obsessed with in high school that is PROBABLY stupid even though I've never seen a - OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMETHING INTENSE JUST HAPPENED I MUST WATCH!"

The addiction began.

I borrowed season one and powered through it in three days.  

Up late? One tree hill.

Hungover? One tree hill.

I was an unstoppable One Tree Hill watching machine. 

The next few weeks I compulsively watched One Tree Hill.  

It was a vicious cycle:

Late nights meant I would watch One Tree Hill.  Watching One Tree Hill meant late nights.  

Being hungover meant watching OTH.  Watching OTH meant... well, there is no connection here but I ended up drinking.  Then I was hungover which meant watching OTH... you get it.  There was no way out.

Sooner or later I made it to season three, and that's when things spiraled out of control.  

For you fans of OTH, you'll know that Haley James Scott sings a song called 'Halo' (obviously not the Beyonce one) in season three.  For some inexplicable reason, I was briefly OBSESSED with that song.  It's the number one most played on my itunes.  I listened to it and hummed it almost constantly.  It reminds of me of OTH which makes me watch it MORE!!!!!

I was completely and entirely aware of my obsession but there was no way out.  For weeks, I powered through the seasons, wondering how I went about my day-to-day life without this show.  This has to stop, I thought desperately.  But what happens next?  I can't just stop watching, that would be stupid, I've spent all this time getting up to season six, I only have two more seasons left.  

I remember lying in bed, clutching a bottle of ginger ale and trying not to agitate my horrific headache.  It was the last episode before I would finally be caught up with where season 8 was in-progress.  I don't really remember what happened.  All I know is, I started crying.  I don't even think the episode was sad, but my life as I knew it had changed for good.  


Months later, as I sit at home unemployed, I spend my days pondering what to do between the days of OTH and the season premiere of Big Brother.  I bought seasons 1 and 2 of One Tree Hill on DVD and watch them on the treadmill sometimes... the most ingenious and highly effective weight loss regimen I've ever came up with.  Try it sometime, you just might lose YOUR freshman 15 ;)