1. People who say things like "I don't own a TV - that stuff rots your brain" to make themselves look better than me.
You're not better than me just because you don't own a TV.
You sit in your house bored and wish you were watching Big Bang Theory.
You're also not better than me because you scrunch up your nose and say "ew, how do you EAT there?" when I announce that I've just returned from McDonald's. Healthier, yes. But better? No. You eat thinsations while I eat McNuggets. Dallas = 1, self-righteous asshole - 0.
You're not better than me because you say "Christmas has gotten too materialistic." It's Christmas. I want shit. You want shit. Get off your high horse and appreciate the shit we bought you.
2. When I'm baking something, and someone asks "oh! what are you making?"
When I was baking cookie dough truffles (more on that here) I was happily baking alone in the kitchen. That's when my mother had to ruin my fun by enthusiastically exclaiming "MMMMMMMM! THAT SMELLS GOOD! WHATCHA MAKIN'??????????????????????????" (Note, my mother is an English teacher and would not incorrectly use that many question marks. I'm just including them because they represent how eager she was to find this out.) You'd think this is just a simple question to which I would reply "cookie dough truffles!" but no.
Me: smthing.
Mom: What?
Me: SOMETHING.
Mom: Oh, okay!
*silence*
Mom: Is it cookies?
Me: No.
*silence*
Me: Do you want something?
*mom leaves, dad enters*
Dad: Oh! What are you making? Pancakes?
How COOKIE DOUGH looks like PANCAKES is beyond me.
3. When driving past this house that has a lot of christmas lights, and my dad says "jesus jesus christ, what an eyesore!"
Every year, there's this house on the way to my house that is absolutely decked out in Christmas lights. People are amazed - including me - however, my father disapproves: (Note: The below does not do the lights justice)
We always try to emphasize to him that the lights are lovely, not an eyesore, but he persits every fucking time we drive by them. This year was bearable in that this Christmas I'm finally with license and seldom have to drive with him. That being said, he brings his frustrations home where he announces "I SAW THE UGLIEST FUCKING HOUSE TODAY..."
4. Fat kids with fat parents at fast food places.
This doesn't really piss me off so much as it makes me sad. Children do not care about their weight (I speak from personal experience of being a grossly overweight kid), so when your kid is already on the verge of obesity, don't bring it to McDonald's. If you have a healthy-looking kid who probably plays sports, then by all means. But if it's already turning into a mini Rosie o'Donnell, give it a salad.
5. That commercial where a British woman tries to guilt you into sponsoring starving children in Africa.
Seriously... this plays like twice each commercial break. I'm a starving university student (k, not really, but still) who can't afford to do this, so stop harrassing me about it. She even concludes the commercial with: "Please call ... RIGHT NOW." It's like... fuck off, bitch. Yes I feel bad for less fortunate people but leave me alone. The commercial has - if anything - made me less likely to sponsor anyone when I'm older.
